Catching Up

Okay so I didn't do so well with the blog. I think there were a few reasons why. First, I am horrible at journal type stuff. I always think it would be great to have a written document but when it comes down to it, I just don't do it. Second, one of the things I struggled with the most is my family watching me in pain, watching me sick, watching me at my worst. I honestly did not have the heart to write how I really felt. I can honestly say, I was was at my worst. I was fragile and definitely had days I wasn't sure if I could go on. The statement "if it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger" is so true when you are going through cancer treatments. My doctor would remind me that chemo takes you to the edge of death without killing you. Ummm good to know. No wonder I felt so great! :/ For me the hardest thing about going through Chemo is watching my friends and family suffer too. Cancer doesn't just affect one person, it affects everyone around them. Those around are a great support system but only one can fight the disease itself. There are times I wanted to give up, but how can you tell your loved ones that? You can't! I couldn't! Especially not my kids- they needed me and I needed them. I didn't have the mental or physical strength to write my experience at the time. Reflecting on the past year is surreal. I often wonder how I managed. The truth... one chemo, one week, one day, one minute at a time. I am truly thankful for the little blessings I had throughout my treatments. Overall, I didn't have too many complications. I partially credit my amazing doctors for that but mostly credit the grace of God. I think he knew I was still a mom. Regardless of how much my amazing fiance stepped up, kids still need mom. I have moments I reflect on the struggles but mostly I reflect on the amazing experiences, friendships, and opportunities. Some people may never understand or agree, but I don't think I would change anything from the past year if I had to give up just one of the experiences. Your past makes you who you are and without the past year I would not be the person I am today. I will never forget the inspiration I got from my friends and family when they thought I was inspiring them. I am truly blessed for the friends and family I have in my life.